Joy Equals Better Gains

You're Worthy of Joy Without Earning It

A couple of days ago, a former client of mine, Olivia Papakyrikos, a sports and performance psychologist, made an Instagram post that said:

"I don't know why I lost all my confidence."

Meanwhile...

You've ignored every win, dismissed every compliment, and only replayed your mistakes.

Later that day, I was rereading Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins. The chapter I was on was about references. In a nutshell, you need enough references—and enough emotional intensity attached to those references—to truly believe something. You can't simply repeat affirmations into existence.

This also made me think of neuroscientist Dr. Chris Lee, who isn't a big fan of affirmations. Instead, he teaches ways to get your head, heart, and feet in the same room—to align what you think, feel, and do.

All of this got me thinking about how rarely I allowed myself to experience joy or celebrate my accomplishments.

A boss would tell me I was doing a fantastic job, and I'd respond, "I'm just doing my job."

I'd win a race, make a big play in football, or do something cool in jiu-jitsu, and I'd brush it off. If I won a race, I'd immediately think about how I could have done better or remind myself it wasn't a personal record. If I made a big play in football and everyone celebrated, I'd say, "The game's not over. Let's get back to work." If I submitted a guy 80 pounds heavier than me in jiu-jitsu, I'd tell myself, "I've been doing this for a while. Of course I did."

I never let myself enjoy the moment.

Often, I'd see people get genuinely excited over what I considered "little" things, and I'd wonder, How are you so happy about that? What are you going to do when something really amazing happens?

I'd go to concerts and watch people completely lose themselves in the music—singing, dancing, and fully present. I'd think to myself, I wish I could be that way.

The reality is, I can be that way.

I just never practiced it.

I never practiced joy or happiness simply for the sake of joy or happiness. I always believed it had to be earned. Not only earned, but earned after reaching some arbitrary minimum standard.

That's a terrible belief system to live with.

It kept me from being fully present in so many moments growing up.

A lot of you know what that feels like. But imagine never being able to truly let loose, enjoy the moment, or be present—not because you don't want to, but because you simply don't know how. You end up watching everyone else have fun while wondering why you can't.

This is why practicing gratitude is so vital.

Gratitude rewires your brain to notice joy in your experiences, behaviors, and circumstances. You build references. You create evidence that life contains moments worth appreciating. Over time, you start practicing joy and happiness simply because they exist—not because you've earned them.

You are worthy of joy simply because you exist.

Paradoxically, the more joy and happiness you experience, the more likely you are to succeed and achieve your goals. We perform better when we're in a better emotional state.

Two things can be true at the same time.

I could have celebrated those wins and remained disciplined and committed to my goals.

Celebrating a race would have made track more enjoyable, and I still would have trained hard to chase a personal record. Ironically, many of my personal bests happened when I was relaxed because the race didn't carry so much pressure.

Maybe if I'd celebrated that big play in football, I would have experienced more flow—a state that's consistently associated with peak performance.

Maybe if I'd acknowledged those wins in jiu-jitsu, I would have recognized how far I'd come and stayed more consistent.

The point I'm trying to make is this:

You deserve to experience joy, happiness, and praise simply because you exist. You don't have to earn them.

Celebrating your wins doesn't interfere with your progress. If anything, it fuels it.

So build those references. Attach emotion to them. Celebrate your victories, no matter how small they seem. Make joy and happiness habits until they become your default.

You're worth it.